Thursday, June 16, 2011

The hardest part..

Goodbyes. With my family being as large as it is, we have always known them. Goodbyes after weddings, christmas parties, or simple weekend visits. Once my brothers and I grew up, they started becoming goodbyes when one of us left for college. Luckily, we all went to schools close enough that the next visit never seemed to far away.

Until this past month, I have never had to say goodbye for long. I knew that the next time I was going to see a loved one was not that far off. It wasn't until this move that I knew how hard it was saying goodbye to those I love.

Two nights before leaving was my graduation party. While standing there, saying goodbye to those wonderful family members that had drove in from Iowa, it somewhat started to hit me. At the same time, it also felt like all those goodbyes I had grown up knowing. The ones that you knew like the back of your hand because they happened so often. Like the ones that happened after I had spent the summer in Iowa because one week was not enough. I managed to say goodbye to all of those family members I loved, knowing I would see them shortly at a family wedding.

Then the friend goodbyes started. Once I see someone cry, I'm toast. It quickly became a domino effect. There were my friends, standing on my lawn, telling me they were so happy for me but at the same time breaking my heart because I knew they weren't a short drive away anymore. They all began to reassure me that they are a phone call away and they were all going to visit this summer.

Saying goodbye to your friends is like taking away a childs security blanket. They are the ones that know your hopes and fears. The ones that have listened to you cry over boys and made you laugh till tears were streaming down your face. Those friends that I was saying tearful goodbyes to are the ones that will never be replaced no matter how many miles are put between us.

The first family goodbye was Matt. It was an hour after graduation and minutes after a forced meal at Taco John's (per Shellie's request). I was still a day away from moving and I had an entire room to pack still. Our goodbye was short and sweet. He was moving to Jeff City and I was moving here. Goodbye was neccessary for our new ventures to begin. Matt and I had not lived under the same roof since I was 16. Our relationship had been a phone based one for the past 5 years. This move is further for us, but still the same.

The next up was Mitch. He was leaving to go back to work (thank you again Mitch for taking the weekend off. I know it's not normal in our family to do that. Ha) and I was headed to a graduation party. He had helped all day clean up my party. It was like we were delaying the inevitable. When the time finally came to depart I put on my sunglasses and he turned his back in attempt for neither of us to see the others eyes. He had always been caring and protective and seeing him say goodbye was heartbreaking.

The following morning was my final goodbye with my Dad. Talk about someone that does not keep his emotions on his sleeve. While there were no tears on his part, I knew he wasn't ready for me to leave. It was too soon for his baby to be leaving. Our goodbye was quick and to the point but once again I had to put my sunglasses on to hide the pain. These quick goodbyes meant more to me then long drawn out ones because I know that they are quick because it is too painful to draw them out.

After the goodbye with my Dad, we were off. My mom and I were on our 9 hour journey. Even thinking about the goodbye with her gave me a panic attack. Ever since I found out about my internship, thinking about leaving my mom brought tears to my eyes. It would be one of the most painful things. Even writing about it now makes me sad. But her goodbye is another story in its self, so more on that later!

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